A Contact!

So, how does this figure with the previous post?

Hubby and I were at a conference with an excellent speaker who has written many non-fiction books. In the course of conversation with him he gives me the name of his editor and encourages me to meet with her and seek to be a reader for the publishing company. This will give me exposure to the company and the inside track of publishing, plus it will help sharpen my skills as I edit and comment.

I am terrified of blowing this contact and turning it into a negative first impression and not a good one because of my struggle with confidence. I have ideas, but am not ready to embark on a book writing adventure...yet.

I haven't called to set up the appointment. I am praying and asking for help from God in timing and confidence! Would you do the same?

Thanks!

American Idol . . . Writer's style

On a rare evening home curled up by my hubby we are being entertained by the American Idol try-outs on the telly. What a riot! I love hearing my husband's laugh.

As usual, the evening has got me thinking. I have a pretty good voice - I sing on our church worship team, I do an occasional solo - but NEVER in a thousand years would I delude myself into thinking I am of the caliber that could make me a professional!

Then I started thinking about my writing. As I type this and watch American Idol, I am also writing another Pirate skit for tomorrow night. The kids really enjoy them and I even get a chuckle from the adults with them, but they are painfully amateur!

I am feeling like a mediocre queen! I can sing fine, but not that fine. I can write fine, but not that fine. I can act fine, but not that fine? I would love to excel at one of these and do it very well, but do I have it in me? And to what purpose? Self exaltation? Recognition? Worth?

Ah, the real question is this - am I just suffering from a lack of confidence or is this a healthy dose of reality? I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.

My Plea and Desire for 2006

As I look to a new year, I reflect on the last one. I've come to realize that the moments that mean the most to me were the ones in which someone touched my heart or emotions. What I don't recall are the exact number of times I scrubbed the kitchen floor, how many meals I cooked, how many times my children cleaned their toys up without reminders, or if the bills were all payed on time. These things are a necessary part of daily life and need to be done for health and responsibility - but they are not the center of life!

Many times when I read an account of healing in the Bible, Jesus reached out and touched the emotional needs of the one sick.

In Mark chapter 1 it says, "A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, 'If you are willing, you can make me clean.' Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. (from New International Version) In those days, NO ONE touched a person with leprosy! It was so contagious and feared that those with the disease were banished from the city. If the disease did not kill them, starvation, animals, or the elements did. Who knows how long it had been since this man had felt the loving touch of another. The fact that Jesus reached out and TOUCHED the man first communicates so much more compassion than his words could.

In Matt 9:22 we read this account, "Some men brought to him a paralytic, lying on a mat. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven." (from New International Version) We don't know a lot about this man, but in a historical study you find that sexually transmitted diseases were alive and well. Without the medical knowledge we are now priviledged with, many suffered advanced stages - one of which was paralysis. It is possible that this man suffered from one of those diseases. Jesus' words of forgiveness did more for this man's anguish than the physical healing that followed.

These examples are tugging on my heart today. I am ashamed at how little I communicate my caring in actual action. I can have someone on my mind and lift them in prayer all day long, but if they do not SEE evidence of my caring in my actions, their hearts are not blessed.

My plea is that God would show me how to move beyond myself and touch people's emotional needs. I have the gift of hospitality, but I am so busy meeting physical needs so often that I have become blind to the emotional needs of those around me. My resolution is to tune in more to the emotional needs of my husband, children, family, and those around me. I want to reach out to loneliness, sadness, hopelessness, and bless with companionship, joy, and hope! I need prayer to do that!

I think of Jesus' words in Matt 26:41, "The spirit is willing, but the body is weak." That sums it up. I have a heart to reach out in compassion, but I lack the discipline to follow through.

I feel I even fail in meeting the emotional needs of my family. I work hard to make sure they are fed well, clean, and have all the "stuff" they need, but I so rarely take time out to truly talk to my children and connect on an emotional level. I also RARELY take time out to hear what my husband is NOT saying but showing. Of course communication has been a sore issue with us for a LONG time - especially my husbands inability to see just what his actions are communicating! But I think I could do a better job of reaching out and helping him communicate. I see that as a huge emotional need of his - to be understood - and he needs me to help him learn to communicate by asking the right questions with sensitivity to the right time and gentle ways.

Those in our church need to know how dear they are to me and need to hear from me not just in passing on a Sunday morning.

The thing I fear most is how much of my comforts I will have to give up to make this happen. I hate being on the phone making small talk - yet that might just be what someone needs. I already find myself so stretched for time, that I dread to think of losing a morning to sitting drinking coffee and visiting with someone - yet what a perfect time for someone to be heard. I hate a messy house - although ours always seems to be in that state! I hate the idea of having to get up an hour earlier to have my personal devotions and be showered BEFORE my children get up to give them some extra personal time with Momma - yet a bright, full, ready-to-go Momma is a wonderful gift to give my children. I also hate that getting up earlier means I have to go to bed earlier. The ONLY time I use to read a good book (and I LOVE reading!) is at night before I go to sleep. In order to be able to keep this part of my day, I will have to spend the entire evening running to get dinner cleaned up, kids bathed or played with, and in bed early enough to allow me to turn in early. (Most evenings my husband is back off to work before dinner is even cleaned up. That means it just takes extra time to put the kids to bed because I don't have his help to get jammies on and teeth brushed while I do the dishes and pray with one child while he prays with the other.)

I pray for the unselfishness I need to be an emotional blessing to others. I pray for the discipline and maturity I need to follow the heart of Christ.

With all that said, I have to go jump in the shower (nope, didn't follow my plan today) and then finish making thank-you cards for all the dear people who blessed us with cards and gifts this Christmas and cards of sympathy in the passing of my husband's father. Then I also have a son (yes, he is fed, washed, dressed - physical needs taken care of) who is desperately bored while his sister is in school and he needs attention, and then there is also a gentleman who's wife has alzheimers and they are moving today - I bet there's a need I could fill there!

I pray for wisdom to know WHICH needs to meet - I could run myself ragged trying to please! I need to remember that Jesus knew just who to heal and when. I can't find it right now, but I know that there is a passage of scripture that also says that he healed through the power of God. It is through that same power that I can meet emotional needs and will know just which ones to meet.

Aye yi yi! So much to take in and do! It can seem so overwhelming! I will close with my verse for the year:

Col 1:28-29 "To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." (from New International Version)

Happy New Year!