I am SLOWLY working through a marriage book right now called, "Love and Respect" by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. It has been very good, but very hard to swallow. I have always been under the impression that respect must be earned. I am discovering that some respect should be given unconditionally. Just as I long for my husband to love and show love to me regardless of my acitons or faults, my husband longs for me to respect and show respect to him regardless of his actions or faults.
I have really been struggling with this concept. Today a light when on during my ladies' bible study.
In I Samuel chapter 24 King Saul is still in pursuit of David. Saul takes time out to "go potty" in the very cave that David and his men are hiding in. David's men tell David, "This is the day the Lord spoke of when he said to you, 'I will give your enemy into your hands for you to deal with as you wish.'" (I Samuel 24:4 New International Version)
David creeps up on Saul and cuts off a corner of his robe. Once Saul leaves the cave and starts on his way David calls out to Saul and bows down prostrate with his face to the ground. Then he explains what has happened to Saul. Part of his explaination is this, "This day you have seen with your own eyes how the Lord delivered you into my hands in the cave. Some urged me to kill you, but I spared you; I said, 'I will not lift my hand against my master, because he is the Lord's anointed.'"
Saul's response is to weep. "You are more righteous than I," he says. (I Samuel 24:17 NIV) In verse 19 he also says, "When a man finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the Lord reward you well for the way you treated me today."
In essence, David respected Saul - not because of Saul earning it, but because of God's anointing of Saul.
After reading that I got a bit of a grasp on unconditional respect. I fully believe my husband is a gift from God and that God chose him to be my husband. My respect for him should not be based on what he does. David's respect for Saul certainly was not based on Saul's actions. My respect can flow freely for my husband because of my respect for the God who gave him to me.
Actually, my job is easier than David's because at his very core my husband desires to do me good and love me unconditionally - not destroy me like Saul desired to do to David. And the reward for this? The Lord's reward - I would think that my marriage would be blessed and my relationship with my husband become much more fulfilling than if I continue to disrespect him.
Does any of this make sense? I just hope that this "revelation" will stick in my memory and I will be able to put it into practice the next time my husband needs me to respect him for who he is and not tear him down and measure him only by his faults.
Let's face it, if he measured me only by my faults, he'd be long gone!!!!
