Who Am I?

For the past few years I have been on a quest to discover who I REALLY am and what my purpose really is. It has been neat to sense the change within myself and grow more confident in what God has created in me.

I have always struggled with a low self-esteem. I think my biggest problem has been my continual comparison of myself to people I admire. Of course I don't measure up or "match" because of the very simple fact that I AM NOT THEM! I will never be them and I was never intended to be them. What a freedom that realization has brought!

I marvel at my awesome God and his love for me and his attention to me. In the past month as I have been searching very specifically for my identity and purpose as a writer, God has made some pretty profound "statements". For those of you who don't know him well, he often uses circumstances in your life to speak his heart. I have never heard him audibly speak, but without a doubt he has made his will known to me in my circumstances!

Here's how he has done that this month. Recently in a prayer time, I asked him to show me if my writing was supposed to be more than it is now. I have had a couple of very short stories published in a newspaper and one story won 4th place in a weekly contest and is being published in a collection of short stories. I also write puppet skits almost every week and perform them for council time for our AWANA program. These things have given me experience, brief exposure, and a ton of fun! But I still wonder if I am supposed to do more. My lack of confidence says, "No way, you CAN'T do that. Who are you that you could ever write something that someone else would want to read?"

Then my husband and I happen to catch the same elevator as the speaker mentioned in the last post. Now I have a contact with a well known publishing company (which, I have not contacted yet, but plan to this month). Then, this week my Bible Study group started a new study on none other than - finding your identity. There is a growing sense in me that, yes, I am to continue writing. However, if I continue writing WITHOUT seeking God and his desire for my writing, it will be of no value other than just entertainment. I don't want that. I have such a heart to affect people in such a way that they come away changed - for the positive.

So, I shall continue on my journey and look forward to where it will take me - wherever that may be!